Hard lessons are being learned around our house this week! We've been working on B's attitude and 'hmphing' when told to do something he doesn't want to do. It's been a building frustration with T and I and we've talked endlessly about what to do. We've tried talking with B about it and explaining how we want him to act and how disrespectful it is to act the way he's been acting.
Well, it all came to a head last night. I was outside grilling supper and the boys were outside playing too. A neighbor boy was playing in his yard and they all started to play together. Then B and C decided they both wanted to be the 'fixer' and each picked up a toy wrench. Well, C had the one that B wanted and he tried to take it from him. C screamed no and said it was his. I interfered and told C to stop screaming and use words...so he did. Said, "No brother, I had it first." Well, B was not satisfied with this so he proceded to get in C's face and scream at him at the top of his lungs with red face and clenched teeth, "I said give it to me....I want it...Give it to me NOW!" Well, this again got my immediate attention and I was so aggravated (and okay, embarrassed) by the whole thing. See, the little neighbor boys dad came out and I told him his son was fine and minding his own business...it was the boys fighting.
So, I had B sit in a chair till I could calm down and then we had a talk. We discussed selfishness, treating others the way we want to be treated, how it makes God sad when we treat people bad, and many other things. But it just didn't seem to be truly getting through to him. I thought of spanking him, but realized at this point it wouldn't work either. So I told him that he was finished playing outside for the evening and he was to go inside and sit on the couch and think about what we had discussed. No toys, no tv, no nothing....just thinking. He was very sad but went in anyway.
A bit later (maybe 10 minutes) I went in to get sauce and he said, "Mom, I thought of two things." He proceeded to tell me these two things: That C had the wrench he needed, and he wanted it. I told him that didn't even begin to talk about selfishness and treating his brother with love. He asked, "but can I come outside again since it has been a while?" I said, "No, I told you that you were done for the evening. That means you dont' get to go outside at all again tonight...this is a punishment...a consequence for your actions. Punishments aren't supposed to be fun...they are supposed to make you think about what you did wrong." Then I went back outside and I could hear him crying from the porch.
Well, before supper, I talked to him again and had him tell me everything that went wrong outside and what he could have done differently, and what it means to be selfish. We also discussed that he's been ignoring T and me and not obeying and wanting to only do what B wants to do no matter who's feelings it hurts. And how sad it makes us when he's disrepectful to us. He just burst into tears and hugged me for the longest time.
We had supper and discussed it a bit more when he'd ask a question. But I also told him that it has become a habit to act the way he has and that a habit is very hard to break. So I told him that he may be in extra trouble for a little while cuz we're gonna stop this bad habit no matter what it takes. So far so good. We've had a couple instances this morning and he's handled them well....getting sort of sad, but I can also tell by looking in his eyes that he knows he wrong and that I'm trying to help him.
Such a hard lesson and so exhausting (to all of us) in the process!
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